As parents, we trust schools to not only educate our children but also to support their mental and emotional well-being. Schools often serve as the first line of defense in identifying potential issues and providing the necessary interventions. However, my experience with my son has shown me the dangers of relying too heavily on school-based assessments and interventions, particularly when it comes to complex mental health and learning disabilities.
A Misdiagnosis and Missed Opportunities: Our Story
When my son was in elementary school, we began noticing signs that something wasn't quite right. He struggled to focus, avoided reading and writing tasks, and often shut down when asked to complete lengthy assignments. We turned to the school therapist for guidance. After evaluating him, the therapist assured me that my son did not have ADHD, but only Oppositional Defiance Disorder (ODD). Trusting their expertise, I accepted this assessment and relied on the school to address his needs.
As he moved into junior high, his challenges only intensified. He became increasingly withdrawn, refused to engage in classroom activities, eloping from his classroom. He wanted to sleep the day away to avoid it while the behavioral teachers tried to keep him from sleeping causing a power struggle which turned into rage. Seven would knock over items and bang on furniture attributing his struggles solely to behavioral issues. Reports focused on his refusal to do his work, and his defiance was seen as the root of the problem.
What the school missed, however, was that my son’s behavior was a symptom of something much deeper. His refusal to read or write, his shutting down in class, and his minimal communication weren’t just defiance—they were cries for help. His struggles were not just behavioral; they were rooted in an undiagnosed learning disability and untreated ADHD which had manifested in to a mood disorder.
The Devastating Impact of Untreated ADHD and Misdiagnosed Learning Disabilities
As the years passed and my son's behavioral issues worsened, it became clear that something was terribly wrong. Despite multiple interventions focused on managing his behavior, nothing seemed to work. His junior high teachers, particularly his behavioral teacher, insisted that his issues were purely behavioral and dismissed the possibility of ADHD. Frustrated and desperate for answers, I sought help outside the school system.
A few months later, after a neurological evaluation by a psychiatrist, my son was finally diagnosed with severe ADHD. The delay in diagnosis had allowed his ADHD to progress into a mood disorder, exacerbated by the bullying he endured at school. The ADHD diagnosis was a turning point, but it wasn’t the end of the story. Even with medication for ADHD and treatment for the mood disorder, my son continued to struggle with his schoolwork. He avoided reading, writing essays, taking notes, and completing worksheets and tests, preferring only hands-on activities that didn’t require extensive writing.
Two years later, another evaluation revealed the root cause of these struggles: my son had a written expression disability known as Dysgraphia. Dysgraphia affects the ability to write coherently, often leading to difficulties in spelling, poor handwriting, and trouble putting thoughts on paper. In my son’s case, Dysgraphia made it nearly impossible for him to translate his thoughts into written words, which explained his avoidance of writing tasks and his minimal verbal communication. All this time, his behavior was misunderstood as defiance when, in reality, he was struggling with a disability that the school had failed to identify.
The Overlooked Signs of Dysgraphia
Dysgraphia is often characterized by difficulties with writing, including poor handwriting, trouble organizing thoughts on paper, and avoiding writing tasks altogether. Children with Dysgraphia may also struggle with spelling, grammar, and punctuation. These challenges can lead to significant anxiety and frustration, especially when a child is expected to perform tasks that require extensive writing. In my son’s case, every letter needed to be written perfectly and if not, he shut down because it was too hard and his low self-esteem led him to believe he was, in his frequently used word about himself, “stupid”. When Dysgraphia is not identified early, as in my son’s case, it can lead to a host of other issues, including low self-esteem, avoidance of schoolwork, and behavioral problems.
My son’s avoidance of writing wasn’t just stubbornness; it was his way of coping with a disability that made writing an almost impossible task. His refusal to do his work was a defense mechanism to avoid the embarrassment of failing at something that his peers found easy. The school’s focus on his behavior, rather than the underlying cause, meant that years were wasted on ineffective interventions.
The Role of Schools and the Need for Parental Advocacy
Had the school correctly identified my son's ADHD and Dysgraphia early on, his experience could have been drastically different. With the right support and interventions, his behavior and mood disorder might never have developed to the extent that they did. Instead, the school’s misdiagnosis and focus on his behavior allowed his struggles to escalate, causing unnecessary pain and setbacks in his education.
My experience has taught me that while schools play a crucial role in supporting our children, they are not infallible. As parents, we must be vigilant, informed, and ready to advocate for our children’s needs, especially when it comes to mental health and learning disabilities. Schools, often overwhelmed and under-resourced, may focus on managing symptoms rather than addressing the underlying causes. It is up to us, as parents, to push for thorough evaluations and to seek second opinions when necessary.
Moving Forward: A Call to Action
If I could offer one piece of advice to other parents, it would be this: never accept a single diagnosis or assessment at face value. If your child is struggling, if something doesn’t feel right, trust your instincts and seek out additional opinions and evaluations. Early intervention is key to preventing conditions like ADHD and Dysgraphia from escalating into more serious issues.
The journey with my son has been a long and challenging one, but it has taught me the importance of advocacy and persistence. Schools are an essential part of our children’s support system, but they cannot be the sole source of help. By taking an active role in our children’s mental health and education, we can ensure they receive the care and support they need to succeed, both in school and in life.
In the end, our children’s mental health and well-being are too important to leave solely in the hands of others. By being proactive, informed, and involved, we can help them overcome their challenges and reach their full potential.
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